Sister Jessica Powell: Feeling the Love of God for His Children

This Week in the Kiev, Ukraine Mission

A few evenings ago, my companion and I felt inspired to stop in a dark, unlit park and pass out American Chocolate Chip cookies we had made. Light was almost absent. We walked to the brightest area but in the darkness was a man digging through the trash for bottles. "He wants one."

We approached him but the light was not enough for him to see what we had to offer. Regardless, he could smell them, I know he could. We talked to him for a moment, offered him some cookies, and began to gather a few for him, yet he said "no". I KNEW that he wanted them. BECAUSE I DID and I had just eaten myself a find meal of Cabbage and buck wheat! (like I do every night :) I wanted to eat ALL the cookies, and I knew that he wanted that little bundle we tried to hand to him.

Our conversation continued. We asked him if he believed in god. He said "yes." "Do you believe he answers your prayers" -- He was silent-- That was answer enough.

Although my Russian is poor, I suddenly understood more than words about this man. About the life he has lived. And that his life is real, gut-wrenchingly hard, full of loss, pain, and sorrow I will never understand. My sympathy, empathy, compassion, all the me I can muster will never understand the life and the darkness this man has known..

I felt a taste of the pain of one of Gods most precious children. He wept as he answered our question "why would he not answer then?" "Why would God not stop this pain from happening?" As he wept. wondering if God loved him, or answered his prayers. A grown man (60 or so) filled with torment of the choices of other human beings was left to wonder if God cared.

I was overcome with a deep and un-wordly feeling. Love. Love closest to the pure love of Christ I have ever felt. These were not my feelings. I absolutely believe I was offered a taste of heaven as I tried to understand the pain that this man knows all too well. My heart felt as if it might explode .